Signs of Senility

I have a theory about aging that I call the downhill slide. If you read my blog on Walking in the Wilderness, you will understand that the downhill slide officially begins at age forty though it may not be glaringly evident at that stage.  My theory is that life from birth to age forty is a steady uphill climb. We grow, learn and mature over those years. At forty, we begin the downhill slide … the inevitable slide to the grave. It cannot be stayed or reversed. No matter how much we dig in our heels … how deep the ruts we create as we skid toward that final destination … the result is the same.

Along the way, if we are lucky, we reach retirement before we reach the final destination. Make no mistake, the distance between retirement and death is all to short and the chances of one being in la la land for a good portion of that phase of the journey is pretty damned good. Therefore, must always be on the alert for signs of senility.You don't want senility to sneak up on you. If you do, then you can count on the last ten years or so of your so-called life being spent pulling up your hospital gown to show the nurses your penis ,or laying around in your own feces  wearing Depends. You will want to pop a cap or leap off a bridge well in advance of senility.

On the other hand, you don't want to take drastic measures too early. Being forgetful and being senile are two different things. For example. I went kayaking today and when I was done I packed up  and drove out of the parking lot and on to the main highway. I had only driven a short ways when it struck me that I did not remember strapping down the kayak. I did this once before only to experience the kayak flying off the car and bouncing down the highway. To do this for a second time, might be a significant sign of the onset of senility. Immediately, I slowed the car to a virtual crawl until I could find a safe place to pull off the road. Luck was with me. I glanced in the rear view mirror and saw no kayak in the road behind. I got out of the vehicle to strap down the kayak and to my surprise there was no kayak on the top of the car. I had left the kayak at the landing.

Being a first occurrence, forgetting the kayak was not a sign of senility. All was well. I glanced at my crotch  … just to make sure my zipper was not down … and drove home.  A sat around until dinner listening nervously for the phone. I didn't get a call so I am pretty sure that I didn't take anyone kayaking with me.